Moving Into A Home-On-Wheels...

Where The Itch For This Lifestyle Began?

Have you ever had the crazy idea to just leave your old life & make a new one? Decluttering all of the mess to simply have less? Or perhaps just desire to travel more with less obligation to come back to the same place every time?

Since my Husband was a small boy, he always wanted a cabin in the woods. We have talked about making that dream come true, and almost every time, we can never agree on where it would be built. We would like one on many different mountain ranges but that isn't realistic. Why not one that we can move where ever we go?

I remember being a young girl, watching the classic Movie: My Girl.


Jamie Lee Curtis did a good job at making that 'RV Life' seem pretty magical (at least for me) I would watch that movie countless times as a girl, feeling just like Vada Sultenfuss. I connected with her character as she studied Shelly DeVoto (Her dads new girlfriend) applying make-up like a grown woman, learning about true beauty, learning from her to not listen to bullies, and just how she lived like a gypsy out of her very own, very cool, motorhome. I thought she was a woman who had it all figured out.
I wanted to feel what it was like to be a kid in front of that huge steering wheel looking out that front glass on the open road. I loved that she filled it with only the few things she needed most - A cookie jar of stashed money and lots of books (that Vada quickly noticed.)  What a simple way to live! When I grew up, I was going to one day try it out for myself! -- and that was the start of it for me.

   Much later in my life, this dream was solidified. My Husband and I have always been in love with the Great Outdoors/Traveling. Before we met, we both had traveled to other countries and immersed ourselves in different culture. We fell in love with exploring new places that held new opportunity and good people.

   Our first year of marriage we worked together for an Outdoor Publication where we got to travel the country. We were in search of the best qualified Guiding Services. We would visit them for a tour, and based off our experience, determine if they qualified for the Publication/DVD opportunity. We wrote the Articles and filmed the DVD's of our experience. Those Episodes were Featured on websites and on TV in the Outdoor Retail Stores. 

Each Adventure being filmed for us to watch over and over, only made us more antsy to get out there more. The mountains and the beach have always been our favorite "RESET Button" when we need to recharge and feel rejuvenated again. Why not just make Home Where We PARK it!?

When we became Pregnant with Kyla, I was hit with a tidal wave of AWFUL morning sickness that lasted all day. That brought on my impulse to binge watch Grey's Anatomy, starting from the very first Episode. (My thoughts were why the heck I hadn't ever watched it before. I loved it.) This was my saving Grace through my rough pregnancy. (Even my husband started watching it with me lol)
What does this have to do with moving into a Home-On-Wheels? Any Grey's fans out there? - you will know where I'm going with this... indeed, Derek Shepherd's dreamy silver bullet Airstream, surrounded by lush green trees with a great view! If a sophisticated surgeon, and also not-so-fictional-to-me fictional TV character could live this lifestyle, so could we! Ha-ha  -- None the less - SOLIDIFIED!

When we bought our first little Travel Trailer, we took it all over the beautiful mountains of Utah. We enjoyed watching the colors of seasons change, the fresh-air, and convenience of having a nice little cozy-abode to getaway in, for however long we wanted. We had always been fine with regular camping in a tent, but when our little baby girl came along, the little trailer with a heater/AC and a little bathroom made things much easier and enjoyable -- WE WERE HOOKED!!!

We sold off our little bumper-pull to the next little couple looking to enjoy it and we shopped around for our new Home-On-Wheels.


Finding The Right Rig 

Basically, a lot of discussion about this "idea" of living this life, led to a lot of imagining what it would be like, how free we would feel for us and eventually led to the decision to go ahead and just do it.

We searched for a long time for the perfect one. We decided, for us, a 5th Wheel was going to make the most sense. We looked at several online and in person. We narrowed down what we could do without vs. what we HAD to have. We finally found the one that had all that we were hoping for within our price range we were willing to spend.

*Make a list of MUST HAVE'S and DO WITHOUTS*
To elaborate further on how we decided on this one...
-We knew we did NOT want an Island. For us, we did not need extra counter space, if it meant sticking up in the middle of the floor plan. We saw it as more of an unnecessary obstacle rather than a plus. We also noted that Islands are actually pretty heavy and add a lot of unwanted weight.
-We first wanted a 5th Wheel with a garage, but after weighing our Pro's/Cons, we decided having an actual room for our little girl was much more necessary then a garage for toys that we haven't even bought yet. When we do get new toys, we won't want to travel the country with all of them. They will probably stay at home and only be taken out on trips.
-We didn't want a bumper pull for various reasons. Our 5th Wheel pulls like a champ and turns great!
- We didn't want an airstream because they all felt too skinny for a family like us who love open space. We found them to be very nice for other types of families or even for us when we retire, but overall the Airstreams were more glamorous than practical for us and our needs. (we do love them though! So props to all of our friends out there who have been enjoying their beautiful Airstreams, especially those of you who have remodeled your own! I love seeing that!)
*We wanted:

• washer/dryer hook ups
• 2 bathrooms and wanted 1 to be accessible from the outside. (which we have now)
• to have an open floor plan, with slides for more space. (ours has slides on both sides)
• lots of places for storage (ours has tons of storage)
• a king sized bed with at least 2 other beds (we can sleep 10 in ours)
• an extra room for our baby to have a place to play and keep her things. (ours has that)
• a fireplace, a large deep sink with a tall faucet, a table that wasn't a "U" shape (ours is more of a space saver that easily converts into a bed.)
• We wanted a nice 5th Wheel that didn't weigh TOO much. (our trailer is a Lite)
• We wanted a lot of windows for the sunlight and nature views (we are glad we decided that, because cabin fever is real, and its no bueno, so let in the light.)

Price Range and Decision To Purchase 

This part is just like when you choose to purchase a car, but when you are going to purchase a rig to become your full-time home? ITS A BIG DEAL. Make sure you are very careful with what you want.

 When it came down to finding the right price range, many factors played a part. The right place, The quality/reviews, the right salesman, how we were treated and spoken to, how we were accommodated, and how well they were able to negotiate. It's important to pay attention to how they treat you. Are you just another pay check to them, or do they also show your business and trust is valued? They knew this was not a small purchase for us because this was going to become our new home for full-time travel. We never settled when people told us they couldn't do any better on price, because that just wasn't true. We found the price range we needed because we kept searching until we found it. When RV's sit on the lot, the companies want to push them. They want them moved. We knew that, and we knew that before the warmer weather really got here, most of the inventory has just been sitting until the crowds come in during the warm seasons to buy. Beat the crowds if you can. We also shopped around a lot! Online is great to compare pricing. Remember that many places will actually throw out bait (a pretty price) just to get you to drive all the way to them, only to tell you that they have extra charges you were unaware of, but you already drove THAT far, so you feel theres no going back and you are more willing to bite it. Compare reviews and pricing of different companies within your own state. They are all competing with each other. One of them are going to be able and willing to beat the other prices! Negotiate and see how willing they are to "throw-in" this or that with your purchase. Theres no going back from the decision, and that feels kind of scary, but it is also very liberating in the sense that you are setting out on a new exciting journey.

We searched near and far, and ultimately, our overall best experience was within our hometown. They are real about beating their competition. Its important to them.

** MAKE SURE YOU GET A REALLY GREAT BUMPER TO BUMPER WARRANTY - TOTALLY WORTH IT!**


Making The Transition From Your House To Your Home-On-Wheels

This is so different for everyone, but our experience of this transition was not long ago and fresh in our memory. The first days were pure excitement and unconfined energy to get rid of our clutter and bust out this move in no time. It's like taking a big breath of fresh air and saying, "Lets do this!"

At first, it will not really feel like "Home" at all. Then, you take a few of your most cherished family photos, small decor items, some tiny plants and comforts of home, and voila! It will feel more and more cozy with bits of you and your loved ones around to spruce it up.

First step is to begin by eliminating items from your house and from your new Home-On-Wheels that don't spark joy! I started this by first removing anything I didn't see as vital or beautiful inside the 5th Wheel. One thing I was looking forward to the most living here, was all of the beautiful natural light and open windows. When I walked in, I loved everything except the bulky ruffled valances and material hanging around each window. They were dark and made the space feel much smaller. Taking them all off, but leaving the pull down blinds, was one of the best things we did! Now the sunlight floods in beautifully and the place feels much bigger and more clean.

During this move, as days go by, you are caught up between feelings of:
a) saying goodbye to your old home where you made so many great memories! 
b) Overwhelm for all you are doing and still have yet to do!
c) How crazy excited you are for the future adventures! 

"The Purge!" This is SO important.
*ONLY KEEP THINGS THAT ARE FREQUENTLY USEFUL AND OR SPARK JOY!*
 Remember, you are downsizing to live more simply, so you are going to need to have an organized plan for how you sort your things.

For us, this order was us sorting every single thing in our house, into one of the 6 following piles:
1) Keep & take with us
2) Keep & take to our indoor storage
3) Yard Sale
4) Donate to Friends/Family
5) Donate to Charity
6) Take to The Dump

-The stuff that came with us had to be vital. It had to be Useful and or Spark Joy!
-If it went to our indoor storage it was our most expensive items, furniture, heirlooms, etc.
-Yard Sale items were basically all of our EXTRA stuff. For example, we only took 4 spoons and 4 forks, the leftover 30 extra were sold.
-Donated items were things we would not have a use for any longer in a 5th Wheel, that a family or friend was in need of. We gave them all of our good pantry items, food in our fridge, freezer & chest freezer. (This didn't feel like a waste at all! It felt so good to know we were able to help feed families we care for)
-All other items that were donated to charity were more charity appropriate extra things, or things that were donated to us once upon a time, etc.
-You might be surprised how much garbage or old unnecessary junk you have in your household. We were definitely shocked! Moving really brings everything out to your attention. We took all kinds of junk to the dump. old shredded documents, cleaning rags, old garage stuff, things we never fixed, paper towels from cleaning, weeds and branches from yard work, old wood, signs, etc.

There are so many things that add up in a house so fast. Filling the spaces with stuff that ultimately does nothing for you, other than sit there for long periods of time, wasting space. Just because you have the room, doesn't mean you should fill it with stuff! More stuff means more to clean, more to dust, more making of dust, more stress, more junk in the way. Having less stuff, creates more freedom, ease of cleaning, clutter free space, less stress and cleaner air. Less really is More!

The purge was the most freeing part of all... realizing that we just cleared out every inch of our entire house in the most organized/effective way! We felt our burdens of overwhelming amounts lift off of our shoulders. Suddenly we became more focused and frugal.

We never want to ever accumulate that much stuff ever again. It was eye-opening. Donating felt good! Cleaning & downsizing felt liberating! We were finally going "Minimal" and only living off of the basic needs with no extra bulk tying us down. I look around our 5th Wheel thinking to myself, "All I ever need, is right here! No more, No less!" It helps you to refocus on the true material things that matter... "Quality over Quantity" and also to "Love People, and Use Things." We got back to focusing on our Family more! BEST DECISION EVER!


The Long and Grueling Process Of Moving

*Things to do a week or so before you move into the new adventure wagon*

Change Of Address

-Get a P.O. Box - valuables/packages can always be sent to a close relative, if not able to be shipped to your location or if you don't need it right away. 

-Tell the post office your last 2-3 addresses if you have moved around in the last 5 years (just in case)

Notification

-Notify your Banks, Insurance, and any other companies you have accounts with, to switch everything you can to “paperless” and the rest to the new P.O. BOX.

Internet Connection

-Internet / Cell plans should be updated to your needs on the road. We researched the different internet options and we are a couple that NEED constant connection due to working on the road. The ideal would be for us to go with the Satellite option attached above that is also movable from one end to the other depending upon the trees around the camp site and where we would aim to get best connection. However, that is a very expensive option. It will have to be at a later time. The next best option is HOTSPOT through our phones. With our Cell Plan - it was definitely neccesary to switch to a plan that would accommodate more data and also set up our mobile Hotspot.  

Now, with our long and exhausting move, we busted out the entire thing within 2.5 weeks with just the 2 of us together juggling a needy baby! If we had had more help with our move, we probably could have done it within 1 week. But we worked so hard on this move, often running on no sleep and really late nights of heavy lifting and packing that left us so exhausted. So if you feel discouraged during this hard stuff at any point, do not feel like you are alone in that. We have been there, and we will tell you that once you are finally moved out and living in your Home-On-Wheels, it is such a great feeling! You drive away feeling like you can go anywhere you dream of going, so much easier, you have what you need, and you never have to look back again!

We are loving this lifestyle! Life is simplified in so many ways and we have been much more centered on our family and making each day count with adventures and memories! We have found we have a lot more time to do things together now, with less stress of cleaning all day and more freedom to roam! We encourage anyone who dreams of making this jump to just dive in and do it! It is not for everyone, but for those that want to live with less quantity to make more quality memories and life a life of travel, than take the leap! If you think you will like this life, I will tell you, you will end up actually LOVING it!




Life is meant to be a grand adventure,

XO
Ashley

Listen...

Today the words "Listen More" kept coming into my mind... the urge to blog about this kicked in...


Often in my life, something I have found to be constant & true, is when difficult things happen in our lives & sadness is felt, that usually means: prime soil for EMPATHY. There is almost always, another person out there that needs us, but even more so now, because we are now someone who can understand how they feel & what they are going through.

Almost every time something negative seems to be happening to us, there is something positive always waiting around the corner, if only we will choose to seek it out.

Here is an embarrassing weakness that I have been guilty of a time or two... sometimes I find myself a bit lost when I get so caught up in the daily routine. This feeling in particular doesn't happen often, but it can on occasion - Where I start to feel sad for myself. Wondering if neighbors & friends around us have forgotten us or even care that we are here.

Recently, I had dealt with those feelings of self-pity in the neighborhood & those feelings were visibly turning to bitterness because here I was sulking in thought, expecting people to know, hoping that someone somewhere would show they cared. (Seems ridiculous when analyzing it now, but it feels very real in the moment.) If I am not alone in having done this, that would make me a bit less vulnerable right now, ha-ha. But here is what I have learned about this silly self-pity... just like everything else that is difficult in life, there is much to be learned! A lesson in the trial. The lesson I guess that I was supposed to learn this last time is, to LISTEN more. When we are sad for ourself in any kind of way, it is always a sign that this is the best time to TURN OUTWARD! LOOK FOR OPPORTUNITY TO HELP SOMEONE!

We All Need To Feel Heard...

How busy life gets for all of us, & I sincerely believe in my heart, that we are all just doing our best! We are all just trying to make the people happy around us, filling demands at work & at home that seem to take so much out of us at times, that we can find ourselves somewhat desperate for something for OURSELVES. A vacation or a break of some kind. But more often than not, it just feels good to be HEARD. It feels good to have someone, just show us that they are willing to listen to us for 5 minutes. Feeling heard is a sense of validation, that each of us need, to be happy. It makes us feel like we have a purpose, that our thoughts & our voice matter. So, if being heard is so vital for us, shouldn't we be better listeners?

Remember when your mother used to remind you that bullies are "just jealous & seeking attention?" Well, she was right in that sense. We all need to feel heard. Even the negative people of the world, can be better understood when we recognize their rude behavior as a call out to be heard & bring attention to themselves. Sadly, they don't understand the better way of going about that search for satisfaction. They got it all wrong. Lasting validation comes from respect, & frankly, respect is earned by how well we treat others.


Turn Outward, Heal Inward... 

Thinking about the hustle & bustle of life, as you look around you & see each individual, hardly concerned for the next. Yet, Its a beautiful thing when you suddenly see that someone took the time to pause, & ask someone else, "how is your day going?" sincerely wanting to know. Its a ray of sunshine when someone holds the door open for another person & pays them a kind compliment to brighten their day. Who knows how much of a difference that made for that person! Listening to what is going on, not outside, but going on in-people, is a way of healing our own personal chaos inside of us. It is a way to take our mind off of our own troubles, & peer into what another person is experiencing. It usually leaves us with the feeling, "I am not alone." or "I could have it so much worse." Listening takes our mind of our on selfish thoughts & places our concern on others. It can get very discouraging when we go too long without paying a kind service to another person. We can peer inward too much, forgetting that 'a life is only well-lived, when it is lived for others.' The simplicity of listening to someone can make all the difference in the world. & when we do good, we feel good - kind acts always return to us - greater joy.

Listen To Understand Them, Not Just To Respond...

People are so much more wonderful to be around when they feel appreciated & listened to!
Thinking back to an argument or misunderstanding you had with another person, how much trouble could have been saved, on both parts, if either of you would have listened more to understand the other person, rather than listen just to quickly respond? How much trouble could be saved if we listen to the other person with real intent to see where they are coming from?

Thinking back to the last time you felt lonely or forgotten... how much would it have helped, if a loved one called or visited you just to say, 

"Hey, I want you to know i'm here for you. Talk to me, I'm here to listen." 

I know that, personally, I would love to get that phone call from a certain cousin of mine saying that. It would mean the world to me. How many broken relationships could be repaired? How many false accusations could be avoided? How many marriages saved? And How much healing & happiness could transpire from truly listening? Amazing, that these pitfalls almost always are due to the lack of caring to listen.


I  Was So Thankful For His Courage To Share...

Also, we should remember that when we SHARE things with people, it also gives them the opportunity to LISTEN. We don't know how it could impact them to hear something from us that perhaps they never would have thought. -- When I was recently at the gym, I found myself in the sauna, minding my own business as usual & avoiding any awkward conversation. (I'm in a zone at the gym) this voice politely asked, "how was your workout?" "Good." I responded, "killed it." half smiling at the funny question. Moments later He responds, "Thats good... me too." This kid made me chuckle to myself. Then he continued to tell me about himself regardless of my short answers. "I used to be really overweight. Im doing pretty good right now, but this is still only my 2nd day back at the gym in over a year and a half... I lost self-confidence for a while... even got into some trouble... but I found the courage to come back... I had some difficult things I had to go through... my parents had a tough time... it was hard on me. My brother was gone and..." I'm sure you can guess how this conversation continued. I will just say, that I  went home so grateful that I happened to be the one that he opened up to in that moment. This was not an annoyance to me. This was a genuine kid. You could tell in those 15 minutes of conversation, that he had a huge heart! That I was not an easy person to approach at the gym, & I rarely am. (I'm just much too focused on what I'm doing to ever look interested in listening to anyone.) I was so thankful for this kids courage to come back to the gym to continue in his weight loss journey & getting back to where he wants to be. I was shocked by how much we had in common in-fact! Here he was 8 years younger than I, yet, we had some things in common that I found to be very helpful for me to hear at this time. I was able to tell him to never lose sight of his great-worth & his value, but It was like I was telling it to my younger self also. I could see in his eyes that he was grateful, but I think I was even more. I was so grateful that I took the time to listen to this kid, who otherwise, I would have never known anything about!


Everywhere You Go, Everything You Do, 
People Need A Good Sense Of Community...

Recently, my husband & I have decided to finally bring a dream of ours to life, by finally being able to travel full-time in our home-on-wheels 5th wheel. We have begun this journey with a new Social Media account as well to document the entire journey. Doing so has already brought some amazing people out there in the world to my attention. These are ordinary people that I just happen to find very extraordinary in their own ways. A whole community of encouraging people that I have felt so much kindness from. All because we get to see tiny glimpses of each others lives that we share in posts, & because we converse & listen to each other. I have found some of the greatest joy & inspiration in meeting new people of all walks of life. The world is FULL of people, & how neat is it to know, that every single human being has something great about them? How much could we learn in a day, if we chose to listen to someone each day? Life is so much more exciting when it isn't lived inside a bubble. Getting out, being open to accepting new people of all different lifestyles broadens our perspective. We were all created with equal value, one of the greatest characteristics we can form as early as possible should be, to know that we are not "better than" any other human being. As Holy Scripture tell us, "Every man should esteem his neighbor as himself." We all have a lot to learn from each other. Listening, is the first step to a wider circle of friendships in waiting.


Listening To The People We Love... 

Okay, we have discussed the invitation to listen to people you may not even know, but what about the very people we share our lives with? Do they need us to listen more than we already do?
Checking-in with the people we love & maybe live with on a daily basis is another way to listen. Sure, maybe you think you know everything there is to know about them, but what if you pondered how much you yourself has changed in the last month or year? People are always evolving, adapting, adjusting, re-committing, & so on. Starting new conversations with old relationships can spark flames of joy that were once just dull & assuming. What if you took a day to experiment with this a little, like with a teenager for example, & you told your teen, you just wanted them to know, that you are there to listen to them, about anything & everything they felt like sharing? No demands or limitations, you just want to listen to them without giving your opinion on it all. How would that exact same listening experiment work on a grand-parent that perhaps has been missing the 'Good ol' days' with so-and-so and they feel like nobody cares to hear their stories? How about instead of talking to your parents as you normally always have, a little different by calling them up & asking them to share something about their life with you that they maybe never have? It all boils down to the fact that we are all human. We all want to be listened to without being judged or lectured or dismissed.

Listening Can Save...

Listening can also save a life. I know this all too well because unfortunately I have seen how it can save, as well as how the lack thereof can mean its too late. People die. None of us are immune to death. None of us know when it will be our time. Some people even tragically, decide to take their own life. How many could be saved if someone, ANYONE, would just speak out & say, "Hello, I see you, it's okay... I'm Listening." There are many times looking back on things in my life where I WISH I would have followed the feeling to go check on someone, or times when I had no clue what to say to someone, but now looking back, they probably just needed a kind person to listen. It shouldn't be considered a waste of our time or a burden to our busy life when we have listened & clearly made some kind of difference to someone.

Listening To Our Father In Heaven

(first, if you know me, you know that I want to make it very clear how much I respect all other faiths & belief systems, all while still feeling free to sharing my own respectfully.) Listening to God is the most important one of all. He loves us so much that we cannot even comprehend His love. Its that great. Having to be distant from Him physically while we are on Earth, does not mean we are far from Him spiritually. We can communicate with Him through prayer at anytime. The more often we pray to Him, the more we can know Him & recognize His influence in our life.

I'm sure it is safe to say that almost every one of us has said at least one prayer in our lifetime. (In my faith, we believe in praying multiple times a day) but even if you have only prayed once, can you remember that time? How often do we pray the same repetitive prayers? How often do we basically place an order, then hang-up? What if we chose to L I S T E N more? After my prayers, I try really hard to stay quiet & still while I listen for what I am supposed to feel & hear. I wait for instruction or promptings before rising to my feet again.


The times I have felt my Father In Heaven place something in my heart, it has almost always been a strong feeling to serve someone else. It is always a feeling that moves me to ACTION.

He requires, of me, to do my part. I have found that He teaches me best, when I allow myself to be teachable. Ironic I need to be consciously aware when I communicate with God, that I am being humble enough to listen to His message for me. Each time that I have, I have been taught more than I thought I was ever capable of learning all at once. Each time that I have listened to Him, I have had a long lasting peace & understanding of things in my life. I encourage everyone to not only pray to Him, but to listen with an open heart, & He will pour down blessings into your life abundantly. He can make more of your life than you can alone. He is always there to help... Just Listen.


Proverbs 1:5 -- "A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels."

XO,
Ash

Its about those moments...

Taking a baby to the movies... 
  For those that also went to see a movie at the same theater as us on Friday night, i'm assuming they also heard some strange tiny noises completely unrelated to the movie. Perhaps some different little voices of excitement or small bursts of laughter. Yeah, well... that was us. That was our precious ball of energy little girl who just turned 8 months. We have never attempted to take her to a movie yet, (Except for when she was much smaller & asleep already.) First-time parents, in the front row of the upper section, struggling to keep our little one happy & occupied so we wouldn't be those noisy people at the movie. Who were we kidding :)

Don't be those people...
I have always been pretty observant of my surroundings & have always tried to have the appropriate etiquette for where I go. I try to be respectful, even while having fun. So, believe me when I say I don't want to annoy people or disregard them or interrupt their time, but these sounds, from the mouth of my babe, were the most amazing thing to me. I mean, I was embarrassed that she was calling attention to us & we were interrupting the movie a bit, so I would soothe her to be quiet again but then I would just laugh at how darn cute she is & it would happen again, & again. She got more wild once she realized movies are actually kind of long. I just wanted to hear the movie & follow along. We hadn't been able to go to a movie in a long time. We needed this break. But little did I know, how much more I needed something else. This was all bringing me to a realization -- As frustrating as it can be, as a parent, trying so hard to help your child see your perspective, but they just aren't getting it... it is still so very incredible watching them just being themselves. Aren't they amazing?

Tantrums are not fun...
The past week had been really rough. My sweet, gentle, soft, well-mannered baby girl began to throw tantrums... like never before! :( I'm talking about almost purple-in-the-face, clenched-fist, angry tantrums. Nothing was pleasing to her. None of the usual remedies soothed her upset. We were not getting sleep, her schedule was no longer working for her at this point & she was in need of our help, yet we were at a loss for what more we should do. The upset was a stressful thing for all of us. Kyla wasn't getting the calm she was yelling for us to make happen, & we were not feeling like successful parents. -- & I should add, It can be an easy thing for anyone to judge, from the outside looking in, on a difficult parenting situation, but until you are there yourself, in those moments that test you, that stretch you past your limits & you grow weary of hearing nothing except agonizing angry cries, you cannot possibly know just how hard it is to keep all of your wits & grace. In those moments, you rather just pause time while YOU go cry in your room. That is the power that an angry tantrum has on a parent sometimes. We want to control things so much as adults. When these tiny humans throw us for a loop, its ridiculous how silly we can become if we let it get to us. Especially difficult for us is when we become desperate for any other adult conversation in a peaceful tone, or desperate to watch anything else than cartoons that repeat numbers, shapes, & ABC's. These feelings happen. You long to feel like the perfect parent. You pray for that angry baby to calm down & rest their sweet face on your chest, so you can just admire them as they sleep. It is exhausting teaching them again & again, over & over the same things that you know they will be happier doing.  But then that should be related to us, & just how imperfect we all are. When the peaceful moments of admiration come, & they are being so good & sweet, isn't it just the absolute BEST!? (Those are the moments we live for as parents.)

Be Patient...
So, back to the story, we desperately needed a date night but we are still those new parents that have a hard time leaving their baby with other people. So we brought her. She was pretty dang good for the first bit. Then she wanted to jump. She wanted to wiggle, wrestle, & laugh out loud. All the things we encourage in our own element. Looking at our faces, she was disappointed in our subtle reactions to her silly faces. She probably wondered what on earth could have been so much more fascinating to watch than her. She got fussy. (rightfully so) For almost a half of a second I almost felt that same frustration that I had been feeling all week, of handling her restlessness all-day every-day. But lucky, that still small voice kicked in & I heard it loud & clear... "Be teachable right now. Pay attention."

Feeling-All-The-Feels...
Her dad, being the good man he is, took her over to the exit area, to see if he could help her fall asleep. I couldn't see them behind that stairway wall, & when they didn't come back to our seats as soon as I thought they would, I went over to check on them. There they were, together, watching the movie, & Kyla was in her stroller with Dad right there standing over her.

This movie we were watching told different stories with the focus being on "The Purpose Of Life."
So there we were, against the walls in the shadows, away from the eyes of all the crowded seats, in our own little space, watching this family movie. (Basically feeling-all-the-feels) My husband wrapped his arms around me & pulled me in close. Our daughter staring up at us, smiling. I just took it all in. Everything flashed through my mind. How exhausted I am. How crazy the whole week has been, how stressed I have felt at times.

Then, all the good stuff rushed in. 

My husbands heartbeat. His kiss on the top of my head, our beautiful baby observing us. Watching what love-between-her-parents is supposed to look like. In that moment, it was a safe place for all of us. Right there in that moment everything was oddly, SO perfect.
Tears slid down my cheeks & of course, my husband wiped them. (Like I said, 'good man'.) Slightly laughing at me, he asked, "Babe, why are you crying?" (He knows I'm a cryer)

All I could muster up was a shrug of my shoulders. I wanted to keep taking in that moment. Then a few minutes later I responded:

"Just happy I guess :) ... I don't know. I feel like a lot of things are flooding in right now. It just hit me in this moment, how much I know I will miss this one day... These are precious memories we are making... 

As crazy as it has been lately, & even with a baby being silly at the movie, here we are, adjusting, making the best of it... We are a FAMILY! These are the days we will look back on... I love you guys."

Those moments are what we live for...
"Those Moments" are what we live for as parents. I never understood it fully when other parents tried to explain it as what gets them through the tough stuff. They always said it was the little moments of "awe." They said life gets crazy for everyone and then out of nowhere "a moment" occurs.

Friday night we went home, & I was so grateful that we attempted the movie with our little one. That moment was so deeply needed. That is why the testing times are so good for us. They make us FEEL things in a way we never could if we were always comfortable. As hard as it can be, to be a good parent, it doesn't even compare to the rewards that come back to you from it all. It is an undeniable bond you gain when you put in your effort to be the best you can for them. It's nice to know that 'your best' is all that is really asked of you & often is plenty enough for them.

I am so grateful for "these moments" of parenting. They are the times my heart feels like it could literally BURST with love. I welcome many many more of these moments in the future. I open my heart to the stressful work that is needed to be done, so I can have even just a quick rush of those waves that renew me again, refilling the joy that sustains me as a wife/mother.

Choose to be here now...
Whether you are a mother or father who is single or married, with 1 child or 10... I hope you choose to take it all in, every chance you get, & just bask in it. Soak it up & realize how blessed you are to share this life with them. Let your kids be kids. Let them laugh out loud & be silly. If they need your attention, look them in the eyes & show them they matter. Set aside what you are doing & have a moment with them, apart from the world around. Show them they are what you treasure most of all. Ponder, as you hold them, how incredible it is to be alive & live for those moments that fill you up.

Those 'moments that I live for' never fail to tell me, again & again, "You know that its worth it."

XO 

Ash

Into The Woods Baby Shower...

It was magical being able to throw my friend of 11+ years a baby shower this past week alongside friend Jessie + her mother Veronica. Congrats to Nikki + Lance Starling on their new baby girl, Scout Starling

 XO

Theme : "Into The Woods"