Often in my life, something I have found to be constant & true, is when difficult things happen in our lives & sadness is felt, that usually means: prime soil for EMPATHY. There is almost always, another person out there that needs us, but even more so now, because we are now someone who can understand how they feel & what they are going through.Almost every time something negative seems to be happening to us, there is something positive always waiting around the corner, if only we will choose to seek it out.
Here is an embarrassing weakness that I have been guilty of a time or two... sometimes I find myself a bit lost when I get so caught up in the daily routine. This feeling in particular doesn't happen often, but it can on occasion - Where I start to feel sad for myself. Wondering if neighbors & friends around us have forgotten us or even care that we are here.
Recently, I had dealt with those feelings of self-pity in the neighborhood & those feelings were visibly turning to bitterness because here I was sulking in thought, expecting people to know, hoping that someone somewhere would show they cared. (Seems ridiculous when analyzing it now, but it feels very real in the moment.) If I am not alone in having done this, that would make me a bit less vulnerable right now, ha-ha. But here is what I have learned about this silly self-pity... just like everything else that is difficult in life, there is much to be learned! A lesson in the trial. The lesson I guess that I was supposed to learn this last time is, to LISTEN more. When we are sad for ourself in any kind of way, it is always a sign that this is the best time to TURN OUTWARD! LOOK FOR OPPORTUNITY TO HELP SOMEONE!
We All Need To Feel Heard...
How busy life gets for all of us, & I sincerely believe in my heart, that we are all just doing our best! We are all just trying to make the people happy around us, filling demands at work & at home that seem to take so much out of us at times, that we can find ourselves somewhat desperate for something for OURSELVES. A vacation or a break of some kind. But more often than not, it just feels good to be HEARD. It feels good to have someone, just show us that they are willing to listen to us for 5 minutes. Feeling heard is a sense of validation, that each of us need, to be happy. It makes us feel like we have a purpose, that our thoughts & our voice matter. So, if being heard is so vital for us, shouldn't we be better listeners?
Remember when your mother used to remind you that bullies are "just jealous & seeking attention?" Well, she was right in that sense. We all need to feel heard. Even the negative people of the world, can be better understood when we recognize their rude behavior as a call out to be heard & bring attention to themselves. Sadly, they don't understand the better way of going about that search for satisfaction. They got it all wrong. Lasting validation comes from respect, & frankly, respect is earned by how well we treat others.
Turn Outward, Heal Inward...
Thinking about the hustle & bustle of life, as you look around you & see each individual, hardly concerned for the next. Yet, Its a beautiful thing when you suddenly see that someone took the time to pause, & ask someone else, "how is your day going?" sincerely wanting to know. Its a ray of sunshine when someone holds the door open for another person & pays them a kind compliment to brighten their day. Who knows how much of a difference that made for that person! Listening to what is going on, not outside, but going on in-people, is a way of healing our own personal chaos inside of us. It is a way to take our mind off of our own troubles, & peer into what another person is experiencing. It usually leaves us with the feeling, "I am not alone." or "I could have it so much worse." Listening takes our mind of our on selfish thoughts & places our concern on others. It can get very discouraging when we go too long without paying a kind service to another person. We can peer inward too much, forgetting that 'a life is only well-lived, when it is lived for others.' The simplicity of listening to someone can make all the difference in the world. & when we do good, we feel good - kind acts always return to us - greater joy.
Listen To Understand Them, Not Just To Respond...
People are so much more wonderful to be around when they feel appreciated & listened to!
Thinking back to an argument or misunderstanding you had with another person, how much trouble could have been saved, on both parts, if either of you would have listened more to understand the other person, rather than listen just to quickly respond? How much trouble could be saved if we listen to the other person with real intent to see where they are coming from?
Thinking back to the last time you felt lonely or forgotten... how much would it have helped, if a loved one called or visited you just to say,
"Hey, I want you to know i'm here for you. Talk to me, I'm here to listen."
I know that, personally, I would love to get that phone call from a certain cousin of mine saying that. It would mean the world to me. How many broken relationships could be repaired? How many false accusations could be avoided? How many marriages saved? And How much healing & happiness could transpire from truly listening? Amazing, that these pitfalls almost always are due to the lack of caring to listen.
I Was So Thankful For His Courage To Share...
Also, we should remember that when we SHARE things with people, it also gives them the opportunity to LISTEN. We don't know how it could impact them to hear something from us that perhaps they never would have thought. -- When I was recently at the gym, I found myself in the sauna, minding my own business as usual & avoiding any awkward conversation. (I'm in a zone at the gym) this voice politely asked, "how was your workout?" "Good." I responded, "killed it." half smiling at the funny question. Moments later He responds, "Thats good... me too." This kid made me chuckle to myself. Then he continued to tell me about himself regardless of my short answers. "I used to be really overweight. Im doing pretty good right now, but this is still only my 2nd day back at the gym in over a year and a half... I lost self-confidence for a while... even got into some trouble... but I found the courage to come back... I had some difficult things I had to go through... my parents had a tough time... it was hard on me. My brother was gone and..." I'm sure you can guess how this conversation continued. I will just say, that I went home so grateful that I happened to be the one that he opened up to in that moment. This was not an annoyance to me. This was a genuine kid. You could tell in those 15 minutes of conversation, that he had a huge heart! That I was not an easy person to approach at the gym, & I rarely am. (I'm just much too focused on what I'm doing to ever look interested in listening to anyone.) I was so thankful for this kids courage to come back to the gym to continue in his weight loss journey & getting back to where he wants to be. I was shocked by how much we had in common in-fact! Here he was 8 years younger than I, yet, we had some things in common that I found to be very helpful for me to hear at this time. I was able to tell him to never lose sight of his great-worth & his value, but It was like I was telling it to my younger self also. I could see in his eyes that he was grateful, but I think I was even more. I was so grateful that I took the time to listen to this kid, who otherwise, I would have never known anything about!
Everywhere You Go, Everything You Do,
People Need A Good Sense Of Community...
Recently, my husband & I have decided to finally bring a dream of ours to life, by finally being able to travel full-time in our home-on-wheels 5th wheel. We have begun this journey with a new Social Media account as well to document the entire journey. Doing so has already brought some amazing people out there in the world to my attention. These are ordinary people that I just happen to find very extraordinary in their own ways. A whole community of encouraging people that I have felt so much kindness from. All because we get to see tiny glimpses of each others lives that we share in posts, & because we converse & listen to each other. I have found some of the greatest joy & inspiration in meeting new people of all walks of life. The world is FULL of people, & how neat is it to know, that every single human being has something great about them? How much could we learn in a day, if we chose to listen to someone each day? Life is so much more exciting when it isn't lived inside a bubble. Getting out, being open to accepting new people of all different lifestyles broadens our perspective. We were all created with equal value, one of the greatest characteristics we can form as early as possible should be, to know that we are not "better than" any other human being. As Holy Scripture tell us, "Every man should esteem his neighbor as himself." We all have a lot to learn from each other. Listening, is the first step to a wider circle of friendships in waiting.
Listening To The People We Love...
Okay, we have discussed the invitation to listen to people you may not even know, but what about the very people we share our lives with? Do they need us to listen more than we already do?
Checking-in with the people we love & maybe live with on a daily basis is another way to listen. Sure, maybe you think you know everything there is to know about them, but what if you pondered how much you yourself has changed in the last month or year? People are always evolving, adapting, adjusting, re-committing, & so on. Starting new conversations with old relationships can spark flames of joy that were once just dull & assuming. What if you took a day to experiment with this a little, like with a teenager for example, & you told your teen, you just wanted them to know, that you are there to listen to them, about anything & everything they felt like sharing? No demands or limitations, you just want to listen to them without giving your opinion on it all. How would that exact same listening experiment work on a grand-parent that perhaps has been missing the 'Good ol' days' with so-and-so and they feel like nobody cares to hear their stories? How about instead of talking to your parents as you normally always have, a little different by calling them up & asking them to share something about their life with you that they maybe never have? It all boils down to the fact that we are all human. We all want to be listened to without being judged or lectured or dismissed.
Listening Can Save...
Listening can also save a life. I know this all too well because unfortunately I have seen how it can save, as well as how the lack thereof can mean its too late. People die. None of us are immune to death. None of us know when it will be our time. Some people even tragically, decide to take their own life. How many could be saved if someone, ANYONE, would just speak out & say, "Hello, I see you, it's okay... I'm Listening." There are many times looking back on things in my life where I WISH I would have followed the feeling to go check on someone, or times when I had no clue what to say to someone, but now looking back, they probably just needed a kind person to listen. It shouldn't be considered a waste of our time or a burden to our busy life when we have listened & clearly made some kind of difference to someone.
Listening To Our Father In Heaven
(first, if you know me, you know that I want to make it very clear how much I respect all other faiths & belief systems, all while still feeling free to sharing my own respectfully.) Listening to God is the most important one of all. He loves us so much that we cannot even comprehend His love. Its that great. Having to be distant from Him physically while we are on Earth, does not mean we are far from Him spiritually. We can communicate with Him through prayer at anytime. The more often we pray to Him, the more we can know Him & recognize His influence in our life.
The times I have felt my Father In Heaven place something in my heart, it has almost always been a strong feeling to serve someone else. It is always a feeling that moves me to ACTION.
He requires, of me, to do my part. I have found that He teaches me best, when I allow myself to be teachable. Ironic I need to be consciously aware when I communicate with God, that I am being humble enough to listen to His message for me. Each time that I have, I have been taught more than I thought I was ever capable of learning all at once. Each time that I have listened to Him, I have had a long lasting peace & understanding of things in my life. I encourage everyone to not only pray to Him, but to listen with an open heart, & He will pour down blessings into your life abundantly. He can make more of your life than you can alone. He is always there to help... Just Listen.Proverbs 1:5 -- "A wise man will hear, and will increase learning; and a man of understanding shall attain unto wise counsels."
XO,
Ash
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