I am so excited to share this post with you guys. This has been on my mind a lot. Last week I had several moments that hit me. My thoughts were being pulled in a negative direction and I would have this unnecessary discussion with myself in this way:
You are JUST a house wife. Your days consist of running on little sleep, tackling loads of dishes and mountains of laundry. Your hair is often messy, makeup half on and half missing. Stained outfit from whatever spit up or spill has targeted you. Chaotic multi-tasking. Cooking and feeding the whole family throughout the day. Changing diapers, often twice in a row. Soothing all the crying and needs of everyone else putting yourself second or last. And what was it that I had planned to do for me today? I can't even remember. Oh yeah, I wanted to take a bubble bath, but thats just NOT happening today. Ill put that on tomorrows list. What in the world is that? Another pile of laundry?
How is that even possible?
How is that even possible?
Then that ugly spiral slopes down to the pity stage:
Look at everything you aren't. You still need to finish that schooling you started. You don't even get paid to do any of this, ya know? Don't you remember the days when you always looked so beautifully put together and felt fabulous when you left the house? Remember how your husband used to look at you? Remember how skinny you were? You need to get the laundry and dishes done! Hurry! Faster! Why does it take you so long to get things done? c'mon, the house should be flawless to perfection. Don't you want to do something important with your talents? Maybe start a home business. You could try doing that while the baby sleeps every 4 hours. You know what you need, that brand new outfit! also, you need exercise! That last baby really did you in. You look trapped inside of a body that isn't even yours. Whatever you do, do MORE! Cooking and cleaning every day and tending your family is NOT enough. Nobody even sees all the work you do. DO MORE!
That my friends, more or less, is all of us mothers at some point. At some point we can easily feel lost from who we want to be. From who we IMAGINE. Even though we are, in all actuality, far from "lost." Then a sweet moment will hit us thats contrary to our negative-spiral-thoughts. They are when we look at our precious little ones and say, "Gosh I love them & could never imagine my life without them!"
Truly, I would be so much less without my precious little creation. She gives me so much more purpose and joy. I know, deep down, that the little things we do daily for them refines us. I know that a strong foundation is only built by laying each brick day by day. Logically, I know that my husband loves me much more now than he did years ago. I know that my daughter will become a strong and loving individual because I am nurturing her the way she needs be nurtured. When I'm old and I look back and see all the photographs I will see a busy full life well-lived.
But lets be honest, those spiral thoughts are ever so real even STILL. We are human. Striving for perfection. Perhaps we need to refocus our satisfaction with Progress instead of perfection. This is why I am very much attracted to minimalism. A way of living more simply and intentionally.
So these little taps at my heart began. Taps that spoke to me ever so softly saying:
"Now, now... you KNOW your work as a Mother is the most IMPORTANT work of all. You know that it is what God has given you time to do. You know you are shaping little human lives for the betterment of our world."
Then the next day that voice spoke to me again as I carried baskets of laundry:
"Though you may not be paid money for this exhausting routine, you are very much so paid with blessings and joy for keeping a tidy home and serving your family. Other people may not see all you do in your home, but I the Lord can. I see your hard work and sacrifices. You should feel good about that."
The following day, the voice again:
"Love is really spelled T-I-M-E. Your time does not go unnoticed. In-fact, each detail that you put your heart into for the betterment of your family and your home is laying the very foundation for a bright future and children who know that their mother truly loved them."
Our little ones will not remember what they watched on TV but they will remember the TIME we spent with them and the connection we made sure to have with them daily.
The strongest feeling came over me at the closing of the week that seemed to be the cherry on top of the whole lesson. It was bold and firm in its impression on me.
"All that has EVER truly been REQUIRED of you as a Wife & Mother... is simply this... The duties of just that. Nothing more. The simple things. Arising in the morning and being cheerful. Setting the tone in the home for grace. The feeding and nurturing of the family. Yes, laundry and dishes included but those are just the sides to the most important main course. And that being the LOVE you show and give endlessly. Love is your first and highest duty. Your time, your love and your nurture every day is ALL that is expected of you and that is plenty ENOUGH."
It came to me so strongly. Im raising human beings as a Mother. Shaping how they should speak and act and how they should see the world with new eyes and hope in their hearts. I set the example for them to not take life TOO seriously and to allow room to grow and be patient. To choose laughter over frustration and to "have courage and be kind." Thats MY doing. Thats MY job! How incredible that is? Its a responsibility that was meant to return to us so much fulfillment and sense of pride.
Fasting
So last Sunday was Fast-Sunday. In our faith, we believe in Fasting. As the Bible and all Holy Scripture tell us, great blessings come through Fasting. It is a choice of sacrifice, going without food and drink for a certain period of the day. Before we begin a Fast we say a prayer to the Lord that we might dedicate our Fasting to him for the things, we or others, stand in need of. Skipping just one meal can be considered a small Fast. In our faith, we choose to Fast for 3 meals (24 hrs) on the 1st Sat/Sunday of each month (Fast-Sunday) Now, typically this begins Saturday night but each family does what works best for them. Usually, no dinner Saturday night and then no breakfast/lunch on Sunday. After lunch time Sunday, the Fast is broken with a prayer of gratitude and thanks.
We are to pray in our hearts the whole time we are fasting. Pray for strength to accomplish the fast. And pray for the person's well-being we are fasting for. It is not an easy thing to do but it is very powerful. It strengthens our self-control of consciousness and helps our spirit to overcome our physical cravings. Thus resulting in greater self-control and humility and gratitude. The Lord sees our Fasts as a great dedication. Fasting can be done at any time of need of special blessings or strength for ourselves or others in need. It can be an extra aid to one's poor health, for a sickness or injury, for a difficult circumstance, for comfort, for answers to prayers and more.
The greatest part of Fasting is what it can do for those in need in terms of food. We pay Fast-Offerings. For every meal skipped, we pay an average price of the meals skipped to Fast-Offerings through our church and those go specifically to feeding the needy. This is done once a month in our church by each willing and able member but can be chosen to be done at any time and as often as it is needed and desired. The Lord does want us to be careful and healthy however and to not run faster than we are able. So we are only asked to do what our health permits.
Fast-Sunday is a special Sunday in church. Anyone who feels inclined by the spirit to get up and bear testimony of things they know are true, may do so. It is a time where any and all of us can have a voice to share goodness and uplift our brothers and sisters who hear us.
The spirit burned within my heart to get up and bear my testimony. I shared my experiences over the week that we as Mothers are ENOUGH! That those spiraling thoughts do not come from our glorious creator. They are lies that we should never give any attention to.
There are many forms of Motherhood and each are unique and beautiful. All of motherhood, from the very beginning of time, has always been the most eternally important work.
Throughout church, I keep notes of things that are said and taught by others that happen to strike me. One of the beautiful mothers bore her testimony as well. She added, "There is a video on LDS.org called The Perfect Lie. It explains that the Perfect Lie we all feel sometimes is that we are not good enough as mothers. The equation that ME + MORE= CHRISTLIKE (ENOUGH) and that is not Christ's truth to us. His truth to us is more of this equation: ME + CHRIST = MORE! We are enough, with Him and His grace."
The Perfect Lie - Article and Video Link { https://www.lds.org/blog/the-perfect-lie?lang=eng}
Another worthy mention I noted from another that spoke saying: "You know, theres a lot of reason to fear or doubt in this world. But teaching them to seek answers before doubting things, is one powerful way to learn truth and teach our children how that alone can sustain them in life..."
He shared the scripture in Alma ch. 56 of the brave 2,000 stripling warrior sons who had never fought before and yet had great faith that all would be well.
"47. Now they never had fought, yet they did not fear death; and they did think more upon the liberty of their fathers than they did upon their lives; yea, they had been taught by their mothers, that if they did not doubt, God would deliver them. 48. And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it."
Most-likely, this inner surety came from the Mothers because they are the most with the children. Most responsible for the tenderness and nurturing presiding over the children and the home.
Most-likely, this inner surety came from the Mothers because they are the most with the children. Most responsible for the tenderness and nurturing presiding over the children and the home.
"The Father is the head of the home & the Mother is the heart."
My Husband got a new church calling last Sunday as well. In our church, we believe in serving others for Lord without compensation. None of our leaders are paid. This is a humble way of strengthening our neighborhoods and communities. My husband was newly called into the Priesthood Quorum Presidency. I went into his class during his testimony. I have never previously heard my husband stand in front of a crowd to bear witness of his testimony that he has until this. His words pierced my heart. I will never forget them. He expressed that he is usually a quiet observer in the back of the room who doesn't often get up in the front of people, but that I as his wife, have helped him to become more outspoken. He said I do so much in the home and for our family. That I have helped make him a better person who has gained a desire to serve and have more compassion and kindness. With tearful eyes he humbly gave me credit that I never knew he felt so deeply. My heart swelled as I listened to his feelings of what he felt was true in his soul. My love grew for him so intensely, right there in church, in front of everyone. I felt SO appreciated.
My heart just kept filling up. More peace came over me throughout the day. More taps at my heart. More confirmations to my soul that Being A Mother is ENOUGH. And further knowledge came that wanting to accomplish MORE is an important part of our existence. When we want to continue progress and journey on to higher potential, Its a call to be better. We are always ENOUGH but we can always do BETTER also.
My Answer to my overwhelm was simply realized as this:
" I am enough. I am made of the stuff of eternity and my very existence matters. My purpose is being fulfilled daily. I have the most selfless and difficult yet rewarding job in the world because I am a wife and MOTHER. I can do this. I need not overwhelm myself. I need not strive to do or be MORE than I am. I don't need to add to my long To-Do list...
I just need to do what I do daily, but BETTER! Cook and clean with intention. Care for my spouse and my child with intention. Do all of my tasks more intentionally, more fully, MORE with a Christlike attitude. That is the only kind of "more" that I need."
I just need to do what I do daily, but BETTER! Cook and clean with intention. Care for my spouse and my child with intention. Do all of my tasks more intentionally, more fully, MORE with a Christlike attitude. That is the only kind of "more" that I need."
Mamas out there, NEVER FORGET, YOU ARE MAGIC! You are the glue. You are the grace. You are the person your family needed. You. Not anyone else. You. Your duties as a full-time mother will bring crowning glory to you. In this life and the life to come. It will bless all future generations that will have your life legacy to be thankful for.
...INTENTION is the very most beautiful thing of all.
Lets live with more of it.
So much love to you reader,
XO
Ash
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