I have always strongly felt that if we truly deeply knew each persons "story"
we would love them. or at least a part of us would. Every life on this earth
has a significant story of importance. something in each story would stand
out to us. The compassion we have within us would relate somehow with
something in their story or something about their story would resonate in
our mind. It would move us. And that part of us would become fascinated.
We would then be slower to judge them. Our full understanding would
open up and we would see how that person must have felt.
We have all been guilty of thinking
or saying something about someone thats completely unnecessary and we probably
wouldn't think or say it if we knew their whole story.
The other day I ran into an old friend. I found parts of our conversation hadn't left
my mind throughout the remainder of the day. Like hidden lessons, I replayed
these bullet points of the conversation in my mind.
So many things went through my mind that all came down to these conclusions...
- Time is healing, provides growth, self-exploration, relationships, life experiences etc.
- Don't Judge. I don't like to be judged by what another person THINKS about me
based off a glimpse of my life, what they have heard of me, or any other empty
assumption without walking in my shoes. I have learned first hand NOT to judge
a book by its cover. I have learned not to judge a person off of their past. which
leads me to the next point.
-People can & DO change. It isn't fair for us to keep someone stuck in the mud of our old images of them based off of whats past and long gone now. If we expect to grow, we must allow and encourage others to grow also. We must believe they can and hope they do. Its called believing in the 'best in people.' Its about not being selfish. Some people work so very hard to become a new and better them. Some people have to fight hard to make something better for themselves. We shouldn't tear each other down without knowing someones battles.
- Surround yourself with greatness. I have found the people I surround myself with truly do effect me and how I act. So, although I believe in being friendly to all, now in my life I am just very careful of who I surround myself with often. I have no room for fair weather friends, negative life suckers or people that tell me they love me when their actions show the opposite. This has been such a positive difference in my life. My husband especially has been the best definition of greatness in my life.
-Set limits for yourself.
'Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. There shouldn't be a third time.'
Looking back on my life, I wish I didn't allow so many people and things to hurt me. Suffering depression for so long. Suffering from not truly knowing my identity. It all had a lot to do with the fact that I didn't have limitations. I tried to give my heart to everyone all the time, or to one person all at once too fast. I always tried to go above the regular bar to show friends I really cared. Some could confuse my intentions and say, "wow, sounds like you really wanted to impress people and show off." If only they knew. That's not at all the case. I have just always had an intense spirit. I gave a piece of my heart in all i did. Without realizing I was actually putting my happiness in their hands in a way. and when you do that, they often drop it, and it shatters you. People would lie to me and I would instantly forgive them and let them do it all over again. I have learned, to HAVE limitations for your heart. You are not bad for keeping it safe, and keeping it safe doesn't mean be closed off. I am still a forgiver of mistakes and I always will be, but I have enough limits now to not let others mistakes harm me. I don't see others actions as a "because of me"sort of thing. What others do or say is NOT because of me, Its them and their choice and I am responsible only for me and my actions. Now I'm careful with my love and devotion. And because of that, I remember my great value and my value never changes, even though I can make mistakes. The love of God for me never ceases to be. I have confidence that comes from knowing who I am and whose I am. Each of us need to know this to be happy in life and to feel totally secure.
- Service. Lose yourself in service for good and you will find yourself.
Everyone that knows me truly, knows my deep appreciation for becoming converted to the LDS Church and being called to serve a full-time mission in Buenos Aires, Argentina.
I can't explain to you what I saw and felt there. I can't put my experiences in your minds for you to feel or even attempt to write about each one in depth enough. But what I saw there, deeply changed me. It refined my spirit. I haven't forgotten all the little children I kissed on the forehead. I haven't forgotten all the hands I held, the tears I cried and the people i mourned with. I haven't forgotten the way I felt my Savior Jesus Christ so near to me that I could hardly contain myself. I have not forgotten the hard work each day brought. I haven't forgotten the happiness of such humble people. I came home to the United States a completely different person. I really did find my true self. my better self. I feel that I discover more and more of that best part of me, when I'm in service of others. I always try to ask myself "why am i here, now?" "who can i help?" I guess as teens, we all think in ME and or I terms. As I have grown, Ive seen the best terms are thinking how ME or I can do some good for him or her.
Truly, I am so grateful for my growth. I am so grateful that my Heavenly Father knew what I have needed on my journey that led me here. I'm grateful he never has given up on me. And most importantly I am so grateful to Him for sending me the best prince charming I could have ever dreamed. Collin James Dalley. A truly good man. He took my heart with all of its broken pieces, and he put it all back together and committed to never ever leave. He is the biggest blessing. Everything I always needed and never knew how to find. Everything that completes my life and makes it great and whole, goes to my sweet husband. He loves me so genuinely. He makes me feel more wanted/needed then anyone ever has. Never once has he questioned my value. Collin is the one that so selflessly helped me set down my baggage, to hold my hand. Day after day he kindly helped me unpack it all and eventually throw out what is no longer needed. He supports all of my decisions and he validates all of my feelings. He sees my dreams to hold the same importance to him as they hold for me. He regularly "checks my temperature" throughout the day with questions of "honey how are you feeling right now? what are you thinking?" Never too busy to have a real conversation. Never too shy to publicly show how much I mean to him as well as in private. Never makes me feel like I ever fall short of expectations because all he expects is for me to be myself. I have never known true love until him. I have never known romance this magical or deeply felt the craving to grow old with a person... until him.
He is the definition of story book fairytale for me. He is the greatest soul Ive ever known. To ponder that I have the privilege of loving him each day and being loved by him is more than a dream come true. I feel so strongly that this kind of love re-builds the broken. Rebuilding requires pure love and consistent patience. My husband has had so much of this that is has allowed me to let go of anything that attempts to hurt my happiness. I love my husband for taking a girl, and helping her to become a strong woman.
So do I believe in change? yes.
Do I believe in redemption? you bet.
Do I believe in healthy love?
Most definitely I do.
& I hope for everyone to find it.
& never forget,
that If you really knew their story,
you would love them!
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